It's o.k.

It's safe to say that over the past five weeks I've learned a lot about myself, my husband, and of course my new baby. The past five weeks have been challenging in some of the most unexpected ways; things that I thought would be easy, were difficult and things that I never imagined happening- happened. I'm learning all to quickly that this is the norm when it comes to "motherhood." There is no perfect.

For those of you that know me, this is a really hard concept for me to grasp. I am a perfectionist. I'm a gal consumed by the details, which is probably why in my former life as an Event Planner, I did so well. that said, in my new line of work, perfection is not easily achieved, period. 

Over the past five weeks and more specifically the past two that we've been on our own without help, I've really struggled. Why does Ford eat all the time? Why is Ford crying- he's not wet, hungry, or hurt? Why didn't I get out of my pajamas today? Why couldn't I get to the store? Why couldn't I get to my friends' house for dinner? Why couldn't I make dinner? Why is breastfeeding so difficult? Why am I not enjoying breastfeeding- does that make me a bad Mom? WHY am I still in maternity clothes? 

It's safe to say that for a brief period there, I was venturing down a path of self loathing. I felt like a failure. All my plans and ideas that I had about how I would mother and what parenting would be like had gone out the window...... I felt like one big hot mess. And then this past weekend hit...... 

Suddenly, after one last meltdown where I think the hubby was ready to commit me, I finally gave in to these truths and already today----- I feel better. So here in all there grossly honest glory are some of the things I'm giving myself permission to be o.k. with for now :). 

It's ok to not get out of my pajamas during this transitional period. 

It's ok to be a hermit (for now)

It's ok that I'm still wearing some of my maternity clothes

It's ok to not have dinner on the table right when Tyler walks in the door.
It's ok that I haven't decorated our home yet

It's ok to bottle feed if this is what we decide.  

It's ok to reach out for help. 

It's ok to feel up, down, and all over the place BUT recognize it's my hormones :)

And most importantly......

It's ok to NOT be perfect. 

So, for the next week or so, this is going to be my mantra. I am going to try with all my might to not beat myself up over things (or babies) that I cannot control. I am going to just be me. The me, that I am right now, in this moment....... and that gal is a new Mom, with a new house, and a new life who's just trying to juggle it all one IMperfect day at a time. 

So, thanks for bearing with me and following my family and I as we tackle this new chapter in our life. There's no question, parenthood is one WILD ride. 

Happy Memorial Day!

via

Yikes, one month has come and gone!

Wow, so it was my intention to write a brief synopsis every month chronicling Ford's progress, when low and behold I looked at the calendar today and realized I'm late! One month has already come and gone! Yikes, where did the time go? So, humor me and let's pretend that today is Ford's one month birthday! I promise Ill be more prompt with month two!

Ford,

Wow, one month has come and gone and gosh they weren't kidding when they told us how much you'd change in that brief time! You are such a big kid! We quickly went from having a newborn to a "three month old" over night. Yikes!

So far, you are a GREAT baby! You let Mommy and Daddy get a little rest each night, which we love. At only one month you sleep on average about five hours between each feeding (during the night) and we love it! During the day you stay awake for as long as you can. Already, you have something in common with your Mom ( I hated naps when I was little, I was always afraid I would miss something!).

During the day you play on your tummy mat and hang out in your Mamaroo. Montana loves when your in the Mamaroo bc your down on her level and she can kiss on you. Montana certainly LOVES to kiss on you! I've got to watch her bc if I'm not careful she tends to give you a bath! But you never cry, you just look at her wide eyed, like "What is this thing!?" I think you two are going to become good friends!

Speaking of baths, you love them! Daddy and Mommy have started giving you them at night. You love when Dad pours water on you....we're not sure yet, but we think this makes you smile..... the jury's still out on if it's a reaction or just gas :).

Ford, there's absolutely no question that having you has turned our world upside down, but gosh we wouldn't change a thing! Already it's been an adventure and we're so lucky to be able to call ourselves your parents. We can't wait to see what next month brings!!! We love you.

Love,

Mommy and Daddy

Ford and Tana Love

Just a typical Saturday Morning in the Deneault household. No baths needed when you've got doggy kisses :)

Happy Weekend!

Yikes....

Wow, it's been a long two days. Tyler is out of town and conveniently Ford is either going through a growth spurt or suffering from colic. Literally, from the moment Tyler left my child has been inconsolable and will not let me put him down. The only time he's not crying is when he's eating (which by the way is every hour and a half and I'M BREASTFEEDING, ouch!)  or when he takes his twenty minute cat naps (yah, no sleeping here). It's been tough to say the least. I am trying my hardest to remain calm, but that's easier said then done. I found myself beginning to tear up in the bathroom this afternoon as I held my screaming child and looked at myself in the mirror while repeating,  "You can do this, you can do this....."  It's amazing how something so cute and so small can bring a grown up to their knees.... yikes. 

Many of you have messaged me with suggestions, articles, and advice and as always- I can't thank you enough. I've been trying the 5 S's and that seems to be helping a little. We'll see. In the meantime, I'm counting the seconds until Tyler gets home!!! I have a new found respect for single parents bc GEEEEEZ this parenting thing on your own is TOUGH!!!

In honor of Ralph Lauren....

In case you haven't heard Oprah is interviewing Ralph Lauren today and well, it's a pretty BIG deal, he never gives interviews. In honor of this momentous event Senor Ford has dressed accordingly :) Like his Mommy and Daddy- he's a big fan!!! 

A boy and his dog.....

It's safe to say that Ford and Montana are becoming fast friends.....

All by myself.....

The last round of family members left yesterday and today was my first full day all by myself with my child since his birth. It was glorious! Tyler and I are so thankful that over the past three weeks we've had so many helpful hands to get us through the NICU, my recovery, moving, unpacking etc. but I have to say it was also nice to wake up this morning in my new house, with my new child and just breathe.... all by myself......

Now the fun begins of getting Ford into a "routine" (of course, I use this term loosely) and turning our new house into a home. We've got our work cut out for us, but I'm excited to share this journey with you and excited to chronicle this next chapter of our ever changing lives! 

In the meantime, here are a some pics from the past three weeks of a few of the Grandparents meeting baby Ford. Like I said it's been a whirlwind, but definitely memorable..... :) 

Have you noticed.....

That my child is a red head??!?!?!?!?!?

Seriously, it's not BRIGHT red, but my kid definitely has auburn hair!?! Believe it or not my Mom could actually be considered a red head (nope she's not a natural blonde (don't shoot me Mom!)) and my Grandmother on my Mom's side and Tyler's Grandmother on his Dad's side both have auburn hair soooooo it's safe to say that this red hair on baby Ford could be here to stay :) 

Happy Saturday!

How far along am I?????

Ummmm....... I had a few hours to myself today so I went out to run a few quick errands and get my eyebrows waxed since I've got a make up baby photo session tomorrow morning (more on that later) I walk into the salon and the nice eyebrow lady says to me, "Ahhhhh, how far along are you?" I look a little shocked and then smile and politely say " Oh no, I had my baby two weeks ago...." She then looks at me and says.....

"Don't worry you'll lose the weight!" 

Ouch, hope your day is going better than mine. If you need me you can find me staring in the mirror all afternoon and dreading the fatty mcfatterson pictures I'll be taking tomorrow.  

Grrrr.

Operation Kitchen....

I have one goal today..... operation unpack/organize kitchen. 

Ford is down for the count, let's see how long I have.....

Happy Tuesday! 

I'm back with a few pics!!!

We've had a busy 2 weeks! Birth of or first child, baby in the NICU for seven days, trying to learn to breastfeed in the NICU (out in the open, aghhhh!!!!), baby released from NICU, grandparents (round one) arrive, still trying to learn to breastfeed, moved into our new home, newborn photos, trying to unpack, trying to take care of a newborn, then more grandparents arrive..... yikes, are you exhausted yet?? because I am!!!! 

Slowly, but surely we are getting into our groove, so thanks for being so patient with me! I've received loads of emails, text messages and phone calls, and the most surprising and wonderful outpouring of love was all the ADORABLE First Mother's Day Cards I received today when we finally found our mailbox from our family and friends.... I love you guys! I promise to return to the land of the living sometime this week and start posting more. I also owe about a gazillion of you a phone call!!! In the meantime, here are a few pics of what's been going on in the Deneault household.....

Ford preparing to leave the hospital.....

Finally!!!!!

Ford loves to cuddle with Daddy!

Ford met his new sister Montana 

And tried out his new bassinet

Got lots and lots of kisses from Mommy (she was supposed to be packing up the apartment)

And got his first sponge bath from Daddy

Then Baby Ford helped us move into our new home!

And obviously has lots of opinions on how Mom should decorate :)

The last two weeks have been insane and although I wouldn't recommend this crazy life to most, I've got to say I wouldn't change a thing.......well maybe just the episiotomy and the NICU part.... but all and all the last two weeks have been extremely special and have once again left Tyler and I, thanking God for blessing us with this beautiful baby boy and wonderfully supportive family and friends. 

Thank you!