How do you know?

So, this blog post has been floating around in my head for quite awhile; but even as I begin, I'm struggling to find the right words, but here goes, for better or worse, I'm going to try....

Motherhood is a weird job. But even more so, for me, this SAHM thing is even weirder...

When I was working, I was a hard worker; someone who obtained measurable goals frequently. I would even go as far as to say that I went above and beyond the expectations of my employers and peers. How do I know this?  Well, just like, I'm sure, most of you, when I did well, I received praise and compliments for the work I performed. Outside of work, I volunteered for various non-profits, and even helped start a Young Professionals Group in my hometown, which also did very well and still exists today. I was a go getter, super social, super busy, super organized etc. etc. I knew I was doing well.

Fast forward to today and for the most part, I feel like I'm all over the place. I'm still super busy; but put together? No. Organized? Not the way I want to be. Super Social? Egh, sorta? It's just weird: it's a work in progress. My drive to do well is still there and in my head I know I'm working my tail off.....but..... I don't feel that sense of accomplishment? That sense of "Wow, I knocked that one outta the park."

I think what drives me the most crazy with this whole SAHM gig is that I don't really have any tangible evidence to measure my job performance..... I no longer have bosses telling me I did well, or an event that goes off without a hitch (for those of you that don't know- I was an Event Planner in my former life) or a bonus, to say your kicking a*@! Being a SAHM is sort of weird like that? And really, do I need my husband to come home and say, "Gee honey, you've got mad vacuuming skills, way to go"!? Not really.

Obviously, my husband tells me when I make a good meal or when the house looks clean. And sure,  Ford's smiles and giggles tell me that he knows he's loved. And of course, when he does something on schedule like crawling or standing it tells me we're doing all the right things as parents. But should these things be a cue to me that I'm, "knocking it outta the park?" I'm not so sure. So, if I don't want the affirmations from my husband and the typical cues aren't enough.... How am I supposed to know I'm doing a great job it right?

I guess my newest struggle as a SAHM is finding ways to measure the job I'm doing? Am I being a good mother? Am I being a good wife? Did I spend enough time with each of my boys? Did I make each of them feel special and loved? Does my husband still think I'm as awesome as he used to? Does my son think I'm the best Mommy ever? Etc. Etc. Etc.

I mean really.... HOW DO YOU KNOW!!?!?!?!?

So the point of this long, drawn out, probably makes no sense blog posting..... IS.... 

All you Mommies out there, how do you know, that what you do, matters???