Tuesday, May 31, 2011

It's o.k.

It's safe to say that over the past five weeks I've learned a lot about myself, my husband, and of course my new baby. The past five weeks have been challenging in some of the most unexpected ways; things that I thought would be easy, were difficult and things that I never imagined happening- happened. I'm learning all to quickly that this is the norm when it comes to "motherhood." There is no perfect.

For those of you that know me, this is a really hard concept for me to grasp. I am a perfectionist. I'm a gal consumed by the details, which is probably why in my former life as an Event Planner, I did so well. that said, in my new line of work, perfection is not easily achieved, period. 

Over the past five weeks and more specifically the past two that we've been on our own without help, I've really struggled. Why does Ford eat all the time? Why is Ford crying- he's not wet, hungry, or hurt? Why didn't I get out of my pajamas today? Why couldn't I get to the store? Why couldn't I get to my friends' house for dinner? Why couldn't I make dinner? Why is breastfeeding so difficult? Why am I not enjoying breastfeeding- does that make me a bad Mom? WHY am I still in maternity clothes? 

It's safe to say that for a brief period there, I was venturing down a path of self loathing. I felt like a failure. All my plans and ideas that I had about how I would mother and what parenting would be like had gone out the window...... I felt like one big hot mess. And then this past weekend hit...... 

Suddenly, after one last meltdown where I think the hubby was ready to commit me, I finally gave in to these truths and already today----- I feel better. So here in all there grossly honest glory are some of the things I'm giving myself permission to be o.k. with for now :). 

It's ok to not get out of my pajamas during this transitional period. 
It's ok to be a hermit (for now)
It's ok that I'm still wearing some of my maternity clothes
It's ok to not have dinner on the table right when Tyler walks in the door.
It's ok that I haven't decorated our home yet
It's ok to bottle feed if this is what we decide.  
It's ok to reach out for help. 
It's ok to feel up, down, and all over the place BUT recognize it's my hormones :)
And most importantly......
It's ok to NOT be perfect. 

So, for the next week or so, this is going to be my mantra. I am going to try with all my might to not beat myself up over things (or babies) that I cannot control. I am going to just be me. The me, that I am right now, in this moment....... and that gal is a new Mom, with a new house, and a new life who's just trying to juggle it all one IMperfect day at a time. 

So, thanks for bearing with me and following my family and I as we tackle this new chapter in our life. There's no question, parenthood is one WILD ride. 


  1. You know I'm here for you girl - just one street away!!

  2. anyone who says nursing is easy is either a) truly blessed, or b) lying!! it is crazy hard and especially in the no-sleep mind of a new mom. hang in there, and feel sure that whatever you do it will be best for the baby. a happy mom is a happy baby.

  3. oh man alive! your mantra is great...keep saying it. even if its till bby ford is 10. Things will come together! They already have more than you realize! hello, new city, new house, new baby all in a few months time. Youre a friend, daughter, sister, wife and are wonder woman!!! XO

  4. i totally feel your pain! i keep eyeing the formula sample in the closet...i would have given up on bf by now if it wasn't for the fact i think it will help me lose the massive amount of weight i gained....ugh! i think i'm going to start going to la leche league meetings to get out of the house and get some moral support :) you should totally check for one in your area. keep up the great can do it!!


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